Lessons Learned

I've been running up against a common saying this week.  "I must not have learned my lesson last time.  This must be happening again because God wants me to learn something."  And on the one hand, I appreciate the sentiment of:
"Wow.  This is downright crappy.  But maybe, if I keep mining through this pile, I'll find a porthole to a magic land of unicorns and rainbows in the form of a life lesson.  And that's just the motivation I need to keep from throwing my hands in the air and resigning myself to living a life in the pile."  

But then, I've noticed people around me ADDING layers to the pile.  Like, "I didn't learn the lesson the first time so I must be a stupid shmuck who will never get it."  And my heart breaks a little.  Because I've spent enough time in my own pile to know it is NOT prime real estate.  It's a raw, stinky, awkward, unattractive venue.  And so I can't conjure up a God that puts me there on purpose to do hard things like learning.  And even if that were the case, I don't think the lesson we are back there to learn is "we are stupid schmucks."

So, in my pondering-humanity-and-how-strange-humans-are practice that is stalking Facebook, I came across this:

And it resonated with my God vs. Pile dilemma.  I also appreciated that the image is of a huge elephant.  Because I don't know about your pile, but my pile is something like what you'd find on the wrong end of an elephant. 

I digress.  

Going back to my Silver Linings post, God doesn't concoct piles.  Piles are comprised of bad habits, unhealed wounds, interpersonal errors, and shame.  Piles are a byproduct of being human.  And if we're really doing human full on, we're going find ourselves in piles.  The hope I've been holding for myself is that I respond to the situation NOT with doses of shame, but with:

"Ugh.  This pile is very, very familiar.  But I am changed.  I am more ___________ (brave? compassionate? wise?) than the last time I was here."

"Hmmmmmm.  This pile is very, very familiar.  And I feel less _________ (brave? compassionate? wise?) than the last time I was here.  I wonder if there's a fellow pile-wanderer who loves me enough to muck out this pile with me."  

"Bleck.  I'm.So.Tired.  All I can hope is this pile is big enough and raw enough and stinky enough to keep me away from situations/people that cause me to be in charge of things like decisions and thinking and problem solving and cooperating."