Be still and........?

Pre-Note: I wrote this 8 months ago, then never published it.  Until now.  All of it is still super relevant.  Except instead of 4 months, let's triple that to 12 months......

So it's April.  My last blog was from December.  I've made it a spiritual practice of sorts to not feel crappy about how infrequently I post.  Which, obviously, has been way more successful than my other trial runs at spiritual practices (giving up things for lent, early morning devotionals, regular exercise, etc.....).  Because I have successfully avoided feeling too terrible for the last FOUR MONTHS.

And even as I sit here, I'm not sure what to say.  This confusing bind where I want to say something, but I'm not sure what.  The Bible says "be still and know."  My therapist says "be still and know."  My inner self says "be still and start to fidget and chase down wandering thoughts and feel like you're failing at this being still business and start to take deep breaths so you calm the heck down."  There's a lot going on in my stillness, and not much of it is knowing.  Actually, not much of it is still either.  As I was sitting here, trying to still-and-know myself into writing, I began to fidget with my fidget ring.  I got it in Israel.

Yeah, since we last spent any time together, I went to Israel.  Lots of incredible things happened in Israel.  One of which was my fidget ring.  Maybe not what you expected to hear about Israel.  But the rest of it will have to wait.  Today, the ring.

The ring is not the "be still" kind.  It's the "spins in the middle" kind.  And the outside, in Hebrew, says "Spirit of Courage."  The inside is inscribed with the verse, 2 Timothy 1:7.  So, in the moments when I'm trying really hard to "be still and know" I spin my ring and channel my spirit of courage.  And it's been helpful.  Because it takes a lot of courage to not know.  And to have patience to wait until the knowing part.  Doesn't matter what you're not knowing, the unknown is hard.

Actually, to geek out for a minute, the part of your brain responsible for interpreting threat is the limbic system (specifically, the amygdala).  The amygdala goes around all day, taking in information and deciding if it is cause for alarm.  Beyond obvious things, like loud drunk guy on street corner or broken coffee machine, it also registers the unknown as a threat.

So, basically, are brains are WIRED to not like not knowing.  Which makes be-stilling-when-you-don't-know the bravest thing ever.