First Day of School

It's the first day of school here today.  It's a big first day, first day in New Town. Kiddo 1.0 LOVES school, so while she says she nervous, she's mostly excited for a couple of reasons:
(1) She is 98.9% extrovert and moving has significantly impacted her social life.
(2) She gets her own desk. Second grade is the real deal.
(3) She thrives on routine.  Things that fit in notebooks and equations that balance are so.her.jam.

This list is starting to sound very familiar.  We ARE talking about her, not me.   Well.  Maybe both.  Here's where we do differ.

On the first day, she is excited, eager to line up, waiting for the next thing.  It seems this would be a typical response for me too.  If we've spent any time together, you know there's aspects of parenting that I find really tedious.  Some that top the list:

Preparing food THREE TIMES A DAY.  Note, I said "food."  Martha Stewart would not constitute some of this summer's offerings as a "meal."

Arguing about the THICKNESS OF SOCKS.  Apparently, the acceptable parameters change from week to week.

Negotiating the merits of PERSONAL HYGIENE.  It's no problem to spend lots and lots of money on a particular shirt so we feel cool, but smelling bad isn't a deal breaker.

But I'm not relieved or excited.  Every single first day, I experience this huge wave of emotion.  The wear-my-sunglasses-so-I-can-covertly-cry emotion.  I used to think it was "sad" because our culture says "if it's a difficult feeling, it's probably sad.  No need to investigate further, go ahead and have a latte and check your Facebook."  But I'm getting more tuned in, and as that wave hit, I took a deep breath and noticed.

It was "vulnerable."

I feel vulnerable when I think of the servant leadership of the teachers and paras.
I feel vulnerable when I think about the overwhelming blessing of dropping my child off at a basically-free, safe-enough, equal-opportunity school.
I feel vulnerable when I think about the diverse stories each of these children carry in their backpacks, alongside notebooks and pencil boxes.

I'm going to honor that vulnerability today by making some tea & looking out my tree window while I pray for teachers and paras.
I'm going to honor that vulnerability today by getting the housework done before Kiddo 1.0 gets home so I can be present in a patient way to things like sandwiches, socks, and showers.
I'm going to honor that vulnerability today by getting therapy work done so that Kiddo 1.0 and her classmates can grow up in a culture equipped to support big feelings and healthy coping skills.

Big love, community.  I honor and appreciate the vulnerability in you!