The scene is Ash Wednesday service. The organist plays Canon in D while I walk down the aisle, get anointed with ashes, and receive communion from Husband. The last time I walked down an aisle to Canon in D was at my wedding. The last time Husband officiated an Ash Wednesday Service, he did so knowing a precious family member was transitioned to Hospice earlier that week.
Weddings and Ashes. Communion and Hospice. Broken and Blessed.
That precious family member passed away two days later. A year ago this week, actually. Despite grief being a constant companion, I am really grappling with it is, exactly. While walking my dog, I thought about how maybe grieving is about showing up in the space where something precious is missing. The empty space where a person's laugh and phone calls were. Or the empty space where a job title and business cards were. Or the empty space where healthy scans or graduation dreams or ________________ were. My heart gets tight just thinking about it because that empty space is so lonely and sad and quiet.
But it's also so, so precious. It's like when Pooh Bear said: “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." How lucky I am to have empty spaces that are shaped like laughter and accomplishments and delicious memories and _________________. My heart gets light just thinking about it because the space is so precious and joyful and warm.
Throughout this study, I'm going to share quotes & music that speak to the journey better than I can. I'd love to hear the soundtracks and quotes of your grief journeys in the comments.
"Not Right Now" by Jason Gray
"Laughing with God" by Regina Spektor
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